Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pickles and Eggs


    It's been a strange day. I smell like pickles. I smell like pickles and I'm filling out a 2 hour application on egg donation. I am doing strange things for money. I don't know whether to laugh or cry... probably I should cry seeing so I have only $14 in my bank account, but thus far my humor is intact. The only thing I can afford to do is be online for free, so I have been for the past 5 hours. Of a few things I'm sure,  missed connections no longer excite me, I need a planner to try to make sense of the weird 2 hour shift/ 8 job mania I have going on and I want to sign up for a class or 2 at SMCC to perhaps continue to pursue my OT career. Yes, I've reapplied for my doctorate but frankly, that seems like so much work, pressure and money to listen to other people's problems for 8 hours a day. Yes, I should have discovered this sooner, Yes I've wasted a lot of money and time applying to these programs but it wasn't in vain, I have options. Anyway, I have to take more pre- reqs for OT, so I'm thinking starting with Sociology, sure I've already taken it twice, but a D and a C is just not something I can live with for the rest of my life and I really liked sociology despite the bad grades. Classes started this week, so I'll pick it up next week. Say goodbye to a zero balance on my credit card.
   Oh and just when I thought perhaps my existence doesn't and hasn't always revolved around food my mom sent me some "artwork" from the early days. It begins as any young child's artwork would, practicing letters, M, D, O, A, then words, "Mom," "Dad," "Cats," but then the inevitable trigger.... "Dogs" ... then comes "Hot" then "Dog" and then "Hot dog, hotdog, hotdogs." I found it funny, as well as the attached letter written years later. I wrote, "I did my best Mom. I had to leave. I still have to do some work on it. Love you, Sunsiraly, Melissa [ heart ] xoxoxox."
    Sure, I'm working at an Italian kitchen making sandwiches for $10 an hour which is perhaps less than I made when I worked at Belfast Variety making sandwiches when I was 16, sure I'm living in an apartment in Park side paying only $300 a month with everything included, sure I don't own a car or pants (well thanks to Erin I'm borrowing 3 pair, so technically that's not true!) From the outside this could look like a quarter life crisis, but fact is, I'm having a great time finding my way again, starting from zero, meeting new people, making new friends, operating with the new perspective that friends, good times and a quiet, happy mind is paramount to obligations, should-do's and ought to's. I've always been a bit too responsible... I mean, I was a "playground peacemaker" with an official hat at age 11... I was in the newspaper, I mean, really?! What 11 year old can control a crowd and resolve tether ball fights?! So why not be a little unconventional at the ripe age of 25 and just do whatever.